On Being Truly Liminal
by Eric S. Fallick
A true contemplative ascetic, a renunciant, a real monastic, a Platonist philosophos is in core and essence and essential nature and in the deepest depths of his soul a truly liminal being. He has definitively and consciously set out from and left behind this shore of individuated sensate existence in space-time, of the endless cycle of rebirth and redeath and misery, of becoming, genesis, samsara, and is striving with all his might to reach the other shore of re-union with the Good or the One, the telos, of escape from individuated spatiotemporal becoming, of the end of suffering, of the end of himself as such and the reemergence of the Absolute alone. He has begun the long and arduous journey and irreversibly set out, but he is not There yet. Thus, he is betwixt and between, cast in the middle of the sea, suspended in mid-air without visible means of support– a liminal being, and one for a very long time. He cannot and would not go back to the ordinary world and delusion and weltanschauung he has left, but has not yet been able to reach the goal, which, depending on where he is along the Path, may as yet only be appearing vaguely in the distance, as a vague sense of the direction in which to go. Not yet being free, he still has, for very many births, a body and mind and individuated spatiotemporal existence that still has to be attended to and causes all manner and quantity of troubles and hindrances and keeps pulling him down and back toward what he has left and wants to leave and be rid of, but also a soul beginning to or being purified, the higher self emerging, the One Itself beginning more and more to shine through him pulling him up and forward to the goal by means of his own striving. He is being pulled in two directions at once–practically being drawn and quartered!--seeming to go back and forth, although really the higher upward and forward pull is actually keeping him progressing on the Path, even if it often seems only incremental and non-linear, or even that there is sometimes regression. He no longer has anything in common with ordinary deluded worldly people who haven’t begun the Path and are clueless as to how things actually are, but is very lucky if he can find even one or two or three actual fellow travelers, and often has to do without even that, without any human support or true fellowship at all, except with the invisible communion of saints, as it were; he is only concerned with striving for divine things, but has to devote so much of his time and energy and thought and care just to psychophysical survival, to maintaining the body-mind in this sense world that he doesn’t even feel he really belongs in; going back is unthinkable, but he is fearful that he has no assurance of reaching the other side; he knows the direction, at least in general or vaguely, that he has to keep going in, and can never stop swimming, but often, at least in certain stages of the Path, it is not clear precisely what to do, what conceptual framework or system or practice to adopt, who of the many people offering different ways should be heeded, etc.; still repulsed from the near shore, it often seems that all the headwinds of society, surrounding people and events and influences, the supposed physical world, his own body-mind, his karma are all against his progressing forward no matter how hard he swims–-a condition of uncertainty and anxiety and unsupportedness and liminality indeed (but also, of course, one of great joy and satisfaction and really being alive in a way that ordinary beings can’t know, which he wouldn’t even dream of abandoning or stopping even under the most painful of trials)!
Thus, the real contemplative ascetic and renunciant is a liminal being, more, really, than anyone else described as such, since is he is not just in a liminal or transitional state between two states or structures in this world, but actually between two entirely different worlds or levels of being. It is crucially important to note, though, that external renunciation and asceticism and spiritual practices (even mental ones) are an absolutely necessary but not alone sufficient condition for being truly liminal, for having truly set out on the Path and being in a liminal and transitional state between the miserable false shore of this world and the true happy shore of release, of the One.
A, perhaps the, most essential, important, and critical point in the long journey of the ascetic through many births, in a sense, perhaps the real beginning of the Path, is for there to be a true, genuine, real revulsion or turning in the very deepest depths of the soul from this world of suffering, individuated sensate existence in space-time, the weary round of birth and death to the Absolute, to the Good, to the higher hypostases. This involves truly seeing, however fleetingly, the miserable unsatisfactory nature of this world and life in it and in birth and death as an individual soul, and raising a true and genuine aspiration to get out of and free from it and to cross to the release of the Other Shore, of re-union with the Good. It involves, if even for only an instant, recognizing and wanting to give up the audacity, the tolma, of wanting to be an individual self and soul, of wanting to be of and for oneself, rather than of and for the higher hypostases, of wanting a multiplicity of seemingly external objects and appropriating them one after another in the illusion of time and space that is the turning point in the descent and fall of the individual soul into this world, into the lowest level of semi-existence. It is a momentary reversing of this initial turning in the wrong direction to turn back in the right direction. It is really the One reemerging for a moment through the darkness of individual karma, of the light of the Good shining for a moment through clouds of karma in the depths of the individual soul and illuminating and changing it. Once this has really and truly happened (and it is really a mystery why and how it happens to a given individual soul and at a given time in the vast series of rebirths), the ascetic is really changed forever, has set out on the Path, can never now really return to or feel at home or a part of this world of the terrible shore. He now no longer really belongs in this world, no matter how hard he may try to again, can never fully go back to sleep and become unconscious of the real state of affairs again, even if he tries to. He is now truly liminal. His feet can no longer ever rest securely on this shore, but, as it appears to him at least, he has not yet been able to plant his feet on the other shore either. There is still now, though, a very long way to go through very many rebirths of struggle and effort, in the non-linear course of which there may still be many seeming regressions, seeming returns to the ordinary world, actings on the defilements of the ordinary deluded soul, many times or even lifetimes in which he seems to have forgotten that important insight and awakening and gone back to sleep and become an ordinary worldling again for a while, but even though he himself may often not be aware of it, there has been a change in the depths of his soul that will never let him permanently rest in this unhappy world again and will eventually impel him to renounce it and start walking on the Path again, however difficult and painful it may sometimes be to do so. There is a tremendous, almost inconceivable, long struggle ahead before the final release, but he is now inevitably fated to eventually return, even though it doesn’t at all seem like that to him and for many births he may be racked with fear and anxiety about whether he will succeed, in fact, maybe until he is actually near the verge of success. He is now no longer even really of the same species or genus of or with ordinary worldlings and ordinary beings. Even though he still has to interact with and relate to them all the time in surviving in this world while he is still stuck in it stuck with an individual psychophysical organism, in the depths of his soul he really has nothing in common with them. They are all turned exactly the opposite way than he is. They are just phantoms. He isn’t one of them. He still, though, through his psychophysical organism, has the ordinary need, or at least desire, for company and fellowship and support, but he can’t find it in or get it from all the ordinary worldlings around him, and may not be able to find even one or a few real fellow travelers, fellow non-phantoms, others of his own species and kind, at various stretches of the journey, even among some who seem to have taken on the external trappings and practices of the renunciant Path. Thus, loneliness and aloneness and unsupportedness is often part of the Way, and in this state he is, again, really liminal (unlike those in this world only who might be referred to as liminal, but can find fellowship and community with the many others who are also in what is supposed to be a liminal condition of sorts).
It is important to recognize in terms of this fundamental turning in the depths of the soul and initial beginning of reemergence of the Good that it is not to be confused with institutionalized monasticism, ritual initiations or sacraments, formal acceptance of a doctrinalized creed, etc. All these can occur, and, in fact, often do, without this fundamental turning having happened or happening. Actually, all such can be a hindrance to this actually occurring and stand in the way of a true recognition of the actual state of affairs and of becoming truly liminal. Someone could well spend their entire life in an institutionalized, ritualized cenobitical monastic situation as a member in good standing and all apparent sincerity and still be totally on this shore and have never even set out into the liminal state, have not actually renounced this world since all these organized phenomena are still actually things of this world, objects of the senses. Further, all these structures, though, or because, they may obviate the concerns and difficulties of physical survival and emotional pain and loneliness associated with the truly liminal renunciant ascetic state, and largely may be sought for this reason, may make it seem that everything is OK and safe and that as long as one adheres to all the rules and structures and so forth one will be OK and doesn’t have to worry about the suffering inherent in becoming and any delay in attaining or progressing towards liberation. This may prevent true practice and true recognition of the real alarming and horrid state of affairs and keep the true revulsion from happening. Even more, in the truly liminal unsupported state, it is most absolutely necessary for the contemplative ascetic to most strictly follow and observe all the necessary and intrinsic practices and principles of the renunciant state–celibacy, veganism, teetotalling, honesty, poverty and minimum of possessions, abstention from worldly entertainments and social activities, noninvolvement in politics and worldly affairs, total single-minded devotion to the askesis and contemplation, detachment from emotional ties and worldly relationships (familial and otherwise), etc.--but he has to figure out himself, with knowledge of renunciant principles and systems and of himself, all the exact and detailed implementations of all these principles. This forces his soul to turn from the sense world and only concrete specifics to general ideal principles and then to the higher hypostasis of nous and, eventually, there to the very Form/Idea of contemplative-ascetic-itself, and, ultimately, to the Good Itself that is the source of all good and of all the ascetic principles. This is in itself a great and important gain. In this process, he is more truly liminal since he has to see the way to implement the Path without much support or complete direction in this world and has to depend directly on the divine paradigms, which he cannot, especially early on, always see clearly and touch directly and has to often grope his way towards in a transitional state where he can no longer depend just on directions in this world, but cannot yet permanently dwell with the divine archetypes. In the institutionalized, ritualized, formalized organized monastic state, on the other hand, often veritably smothered and hedged in on all sides by rules, structures, uniforms, regulations, schedules, authorities, directors, superiors, etc., most every detail is already spelled out and prescribed, choices don’t have to be made, everything comes from the sense world and the soul is always looking downwards towards it since that is where the guidance and instructions are, and there is nothing to make the soul turn toward the higher realities and the divine paradigms and the Forms in this regard. Also, the truly liminal unsupported non-institutionalized ascetic has to rely solely on his own inner motivation, commitment, determination, will, and understanding. If the true revulsion and turning in the soul and true setting out on the Path and into the liminal state has occurred, this need to rely on the soul’s own inner resources and deepest nature may keep reinforcing and strengthening this turn and bringing it to consciousness. If it hasn’t occurred, it may encourage its happening. In the uniformed institutionalized organized monastic situation, on the other hand, where everything is externally enforced and prescribed and regulated and the soul doesn’t have to rely so much and draw so much from itself, there may be little to fan or ignite the inner spark that is so crucial to the actual Path and liminality.
The spatiotemporal language and terminology and imagery required to explain the condition and process of the liminal contemplative ascetic practitioner may tend to picture thinking in this regard, but it is important to realize and remember that the liminal state and process and the Path is actually existential, metaphysical, and, really, ontological. This is part of the reason why once the true revulsion and turning at the depths of the soul has occurred there is no turning back and the true liminal renunciant is no longer really even of the same kind with, is qualitatively different from, all ordinary worldly beings (including even conventional religionists). He simply exists more, is more of a real being, exists more also now in an additional vertical transcendent direction, than ordinary samsaric souls wandering only in the purely horizontal two-dimensional temporospatial realm of becoming. All the practices of renunciation and contemplative asceticism, both physical and mental, all the radical change of behavior, conduct, pursuits, thinking, weltanschauung, desire, and emotion, sincere and accompanied by the true inner turn, lead to an actual change, or beginning of change, in his state of being, to an actual ontological shift and launch into the liminal ontological state. That is, the contemplative ascetic liminal state is a nonlinear transition between two different actual ontological states, between two radically different states of actual being. The states of being an individuated sensate ordinary being in genesis, in becoming, in birth and death and of having attained release and re-union with the One are two radically different states and degrees of being, and the truly liminal ascetic is suspended oscillating in both directions between the two. Nowhere, though, perhaps, is this more obvious than in the actual practice of contemplation itself, where the actual work of the ontological change takes place, based on the absolutely necessary ontological changes of renunciation and discipline in all its aspects, and the practitioner is more obviously in an ontologically liminal state and separate from the world. In the time of actual formal contemplation practice, the renunciant is consciously and deliberately trying to make the ontological shift from the sensory multiplicitous temporospatial semi-being of this world and his own individuated cyclic existence to re-union with the eternal unchanging actually real higher hypostases. When he first starts the practice, he is principally for most of the contemplation period still in this world and struggling even just to redirect his attention and get even a glimpse of the higher real being into view. At the very end of the askesis, when sitting in contemplation he has become just the Good and experiences nothing else and is on the verge of final emancipation. But in the very long time in between–indeed, over many births–in contemplation he is constantly moving back and forth between these two states and extremes, striving for the Good and to whatever degree and however fleetingly or stably making contact with the higher hypostases, but then being pulled back to becoming and the senses, until all his karma is exhausted. He is suspended between these two poles, though moving, really, though non-linearly and not always obviously, closer and more permanently toward the higher more real pole, attenuating with the upward movement, but still retaining his individuality. During contemplation, and more and more outside of formal contemplation as the existential change starts to carry over more to the necessary time spent directly involved with the sensory world and psychophysical organism, he is in an intermediate and indeterminate ontological state, no longer fully in the semi-being of this world, but also not yet fully and permanently in the realm of true being and beyond being. This is indeed the liminal state and being par excellence! Also, as his contemplation practice progresses and he gains some and more direct experience of the higher realities, he becomes all the more liminal in all respects and separated and different and alienated from the ordinary world and all the ordinary deluded worldlings and worldly beings around him and with which and whom he still must interact on a daily basis in maintaining psychophysical survival. Turning from the bright light of the Divine to the darkness of the sensory cave, he has trouble seeing in the dark and fumbles. More and more losing any interest in this world and the things happening in it, he knows and cares less and less about it and so stumbles awkwardly in dealing with it. More and more filled with divine inspiration, he more and more rejects what the world considers practical prudence and concern and laughs at what the world and ordinary worldlings consider important. His way, his concerns, his values, his thinking, his actions, his practice are just the opposite of those of the world and worldlings. Thus, to them he seems weird or strange or foolish or eccentric or silly or mad, and they are separated from him as he is from them. So now, from this, he is also in a permanent state of liminality, indefiniteness, marginality, and loneliness and isolation in terms of society and people and social (and even economic and logistical) conditions–except in so far as if he is lucky enough to have a couple fellow travelers on the same anti-world, transcendent Path as himself. Disconnected from the structures and values of society and the human world, yet without trying to make other structures that seem spiritual or religious or monastic but are actually reflections of the ordinary worldly structures, he is certainly liminal in this respect also.
In trying to present a picture of the truly liminal state of the true contemplative ascetic and renunciant, it seems to have been necessary to refer more to the challenges and difficulties of this state than to its joys and satisfactions and comforts and consolations, though what may seem like unpleasantnesses to the ordinary worldling looking from the outside may actually be happinesses to the liminal ascetic. Also, it may be more appropriate to talk about one’s difficulties and discomforts on the Path than to reveal and announce one’s joys and accomplishments to all and sundry. The truly liminal contemplative ascetic loves and is passionate about what he does and would never think of doing anything else or being like everyone else. He thinks that only being on this Path is truly being alive and that ordinary worldly people are really living dead and that to be and live like them would be a fate quite literally worse than death. Certainly, it cannot be denied that the liminal spiritual Path has many challenges and difficulties and discomforts and even pains of purification, and that it requires great determination and commitment and discernment and patience and even courage and intestinal fortitude. Obviously, however, short of the unspeakable joy of finally attaining the telos, of final emancipation, nothing could be more joyful than to be on the Path to it (even if it hurts sometimes). Even when it contains some suffering or struggle, this is as nothing compared to the suffering and struggle of the cycle of birth and death and ordinary worldly life, which is nothing but 100% pure unalloyed misery even when the worldlings don’t realize it and think that they are actually experiencing happiness. Come then, set off from the wretched shore of this world and join the liminal few on the high seas of the Path! Is there really any alternative? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
©2022 Eric S. Fallick
